Leap Of Faith

I did it.  I went bungee jumping yesterday.

Ever since I learned a few weeks ago that Soweto is home to these beautiful towers that people bungee jump off of, I have been joking that I just had to go.  There was the excited, intrepid, daring side of me that really wanted to do it...and then under the surface my timidity snuck in and decided I would be just fine if it never fabricated into anything more than words.  Sometimes it’s nice to let people think you’re adventurous without having to prove it!

Then yesterday, I looked at a Facebook post by my hostess Palesa which stated she was taking me bungee jumping.  I quickly ran into her and said, “don’t you want to go to high tea today?  I mean, I’m fine with anything, but I heard about this high tea, so maybe we should just do that.”

It didn’t work.  The next thing I knew, we had pulled up into a crowded parking lot with music bumping and the smell of braii (barbecue) wafting through the air.  Okay, so I liked the atmosphere, and I was perfectly content to stay on the ground and enjoy it.  Palesa wasn’t planning on going, and I told her it only sounded fun if she would go with me.  I thought I was safe because she had said she was terrified, but then that backfired.  Just seconds before we walked into the sign-up shed, she agreed.  Shoot.

(I actually posted a Facebook status just before so that people would know what happened to me should I end up perishing.)

The next few minutes were long ones.  We went up with a young man who said he needed to do it, he’d had a rough week.  He spent the elevator ride up the tower dancing and proclaiming the beauty of the landscape behind us.  I stared straight ahead at the only thing not moving, because I was afraid if I looked back I would chicken out.  It suddenly felt like the tower was ten times higher.

Once up there, I started to calm down...the land around us really was something to behold, and it just felt like I was looking out from the top of a tall mountain.  It was so serene.

Then they brought me over the bridge to prepare to jump.  It was a little intimidating, but I made the walk.  I talked to the guys, and I felt okay...until they started speaking faster than I could hear and pulling me over to the edge until they virtually pushed me off!  I forgot everything they told me.  This is it, I thought.  I’m going to die.

If you look at my face, you can probably see that...I don’t exactly look graceful, and I didn’t remember to smile.  But then I couldn’t help it.  After the screams escaped, I felt my mouth slowly widening as the exuberance set in.  My body opened up as I started to soar, and the breath I lost as I jumped slowly came back in gasps of awe at my surroundings.  I felt as though I could see the whole world from where I hung, and it was glorious.

Even if I myself was a little surprised at what I had done, I don’t think my family was.  My mom sent me a message after she found out.  “You are like your dad. ‘I KNOW I can fly if I can just figure out how to do it!’”

Brace yourselves, this is going to be a metaphor.  One of the things I’ve realized is that all opportunities are kind of like the one I had yesterday.  Maybe the idea seems really alluring at first mention, and you even entertain it for some time.  After all, as long as it remains an idea, you only have to envision the possibility.  You can look, but don’t touch...that’s where the unknown comes in.  Most people will never touch and prefer instead to let go of what might have been in favor of not leaving that fuzzy feeling of comfort.  It’s not a bad feeling, comfort itself means “a state of physical ease and freedom from pain or constraint”.  Yeah, I like the sound of that too.  It’s nice to avoid pain, to shy away from whatever bad things may happen.

But what if, by touching that thing, by unlocking the idea into reality, it ends up releasing some unimaginable good? What if taking the risk was the best thing you could have ever done?  Well, you will never know if you are not willing to “take the leap”.

This is exactly how I have felt with this trip.  To have this opportunity come up opened Pandora’s Box.  My professor emailed me to say he wanted to put me forth based on my academic and personal performance, and I cried to know someone recognized me just for being me.  I was excited and told many people of the nomination, and yet I still held back and said I didn’t think it would actually happen.  It’s been surreal ever since.  I entertained the idea, and dreamed of what would happen if I could go.  But I still kept saying I would be fine if I didn’t.  It wasn’t easy, it wasn’t comfortable, but it was exciting.  By the time the trip came, I was crying again...only this time out of fear.  What would happen if I went to a country I didn’t know, and left everything I did know behind for six weeks?  My mind started spinning, and everything I thought of at the time seemed like perfectly rational fears.  It would have been easy to justify staying behind.

Looking back, though, the fears didn’t make sense.  They weren’t as grounded in reality as I thought; to sum them up, I just had a fear of the unknown.  Yet each day is unknown anyway, so all this is is facing a different kind of unknown.  The kind that started off blurry, but is bringing about so much clarity.

I’ve always prided myself on being fearless, so it’s a very different feeling for me to acknowledge (even to myself) that I’m not.  I don’t think any of us are.  The question is not whether we are afraid, but rather what we choose to do with that fear once we bring it to light.  I’m not saying you should bungee jump (unless you want to) and I’m not even saying that you should travel (though I really think you should).  But, what is it that you are afraid of?  What is it that you really wish you could do, maybe even something you know you should be doing?  Now, what’s stopping you?  It may not be easy (or I should say, it definitely won’t be).  Fear doesn’t just go away.  In fact, you may have to consciously and continually reconquer it.  But each time you do, you will grow.  The beauty that was once behind a foggy glass of potential will soon consume you.  And when you look back, you will wonder why you were ever so scared in the first place.

Remember, fortune favors the brave.

Cheers,

Lorien

Gratitude.

I have so much to catch you up on, but I think I'll have to save it for when I have access to my pictures and my own computer.  My internet access has been very limited so I don't get to share all of my wonderful experiences with you all!  Right now I'm stealing someone else's computer while he's at an orientation.  Shh...

Just wanted to pass along a quick update.  Today is my first full day in country without any other Americans.  Yesterday was a bit stressful after having lost my rental phone and not knowing where I was going to stay.  However, I have had the good fortune of being surrounded by amazing people here who jumped at my needs and are generously spoiling me with food and accommodation.  There is no question as to how blessed I am, always.

I'm not sure why exactly this is, but my sense of gratitude has been greatly heightened during this trip.  I have been so keenly aware of the grace and fortune I experience everyday of my life, to the point where I find myself in tears over the opportunities I have.  Either that, or they're tears of exhaustion!

Not only am I surrounded by wonderful people here during my travels, but I have been so abundantly blessed at home.  My parents have been jumping at my every whim each time I find myself in a bind over here.  They were supportive of me venturing out into the world in the first place, despite how nerve racking it must be to have their young daughter wandering about in a foreign country making plans as she goes.  My brother and sister have shown me great love and always let me know how happy they are that I'm following my dreams.  My grandparents all do everything they can to share their love and cover me prayerfully and financially--both of which I'm finding are very necessary!

And you, readers.  Prayer warriors, dreamers, doers.  I'm so grateful for you.  I have needed the love and support I feel emanating from your direction.  Each time I see my number of blog views go up, my heart jumps a little, just to know that you care.  I want you to know that I couldn't be doing this without you; experiences mean little without people to share them with.  I wish I could take each of you along with me and treat you to all I have been blessed with.

Which reminds me...there are times (more often than not) that I show my American side.  I have now picked up more postcards than I know what to do with.  If you are willing, I would like to collect your addresses to pass along a note as a thank you for joining me in this journey.  You can't even know what an impact you are making.

“If you could only sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to the people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person.”
― Fred Rogers

Wish you all were here,

Lorien

My email address for passing along addresses:
lorien.howe@gmail.com

Gently Shaking

After spending the majority of the day at the Freedom Park museum, we decided to stop off at the Union Buildings here in Pretoria (side note: this is where President Jacob Zuma was inaugurated for his second term this past weekend!).  It was a quick trip, and it was beautiful, but I didn't know at the time quite the significance that the location held.

In 1956, the lawn of the Union Buildings found upon it the feet of 20,000 women.  Twenty thousand!  At this time in South African history, women didn't have many rights to begin with.  The laws of Apartheid enforcing curfews with passbooks made it even worse for women of color.  These women were tired of being messed with; they had been oppressed for far too long and weren't going to take it anymore.  They marched in that day, ready with their petitions for their voices to be heard.  But then here's what gets me.  Their plan, should the police try to stop them, was to kneel down and surround the leaders in prayer.  If anyone was to be arrested, they all would be.

Sophia Williams de Bruyn, 18 at the time she led her fellow females, recalls the day.  “I remember that – as we the women who were sitting there, were positioning ourselves – I felt a lump in my throat. I looked at this large army of women. Dignified women. Courageous women. And I felt so humbled to be a part of such bravery, an act that encouraged the greater struggle. The song we sang that day, Bathindi Bafasi, it warned that if you strike a woman, you strike a rock.”

Women weren't even supposed to be on the lawns in front of the Union Buildings, and yet they were there.  This story reminds me of a Gandhi quote:  "In a gentle way, you can shake the world".  Sometimes it takes the most courage to be peaceful.

(www.21icons.com)

Love Always,

Lorien

Who Does The Wind Belong To?

So, did you think I was eaten by a lion?  Silly!  I'm in the city, that wouldn't happen.  But it has been hard to come by an internet connection, so I apologize for that.  I have a lot of catching up to do.

Last Saturday, we had the opportunity to visit the Freedom Park museum in Pretoria. Beyond being one of the most aesthetically pleasing structures I have ever seen, the content held within its walls rich in knowledge and culture. I have been struggling with what to post here, simply because the museum covered everything—from the creation story, clear up until this very day. I still haven't figured out how they managed that, but I am thoroughly impressed.

It started off with a beautiful video of the creation story as relayed through Indigenous Knowledge Systems, with the belief that all human beings are bonded and originate from one divine source. Their belief is that humans are called to look after one another, to extend love. There is a system of interdependence requiring us to extend our own humanity, causing others to do the same. The emphasis lays on compassion, tolerance, kindness, and mercy, all leading to a greater sense of consciousness. The idea is that we are all related by blood to everyone, and we thrive only under conditions of cooperation and mutual assistance.

From there, we began exploring the beginnings of slavery. Bea and Paul questioned how slavery ever began in the first place, and how it could gain such a popular consensus, but the truth is, it started off small. At its beginnings, slavery was not so bad, at least not nearly in the way we see it in our history books. I think that's the trick; it didn't happen all at once. Rather, it was a series of actions and thoughts that may not have seemed so bad, and then it slowly escalated as people found justifications for their behavior. And yet, every action implies a consequence. The same can be true in our own lives—each action is shaping our behavior, who we are, and even impacting the world around us. This is why we must be so intentional in how we act, because the reverberations are so great. It is our choice whether we are molding something positive or something negative.

More powerful than the actions themselves is the idea of colonizing minds—there is nothing stronger than the influence of thought. This is how a majority is able to oppress a minority—they use knowledge. They use literacy. They break spirits, and invent structures that will allow them to maintain control.

These structures and boundaries we create are manmade, though. The divisions we have with our fellow man are constructed, and thus can also be deconstructed. As Cape Town became colonized and fences were raised, so were questions. “You put up these fences, but...who does the wind belong to?”

It is interesting to delve into the past here. Many people started off wanting to fight Apartheid with nonviolence, but found they could not get such tactics to work. The threats of violence seemed to come from a place of such immense desperation, I can't possibly say I understand their position. But it is also interesting to examine the role of foreign relations in whether or not Apartheid was able to take place. To see the protest signs pouring in from around the world, saying they would not tolerate such a system, seemed to have an immense impact. And yet we here keep finding ourselves wondering, why did they not act sooner? Some things we may not be able to comprehend.

There has been so much violence, and yet buried in the rubble, hope is found. Hope for a new Africa, and hope for a new world. The South African constitution is one of the most progressive in the world, calling for equality of all. Meaning, each human has the opportunity to discover their intrinsic value. These people who have been objectified now have a chance to define themselves, in a way that sees them as whole. We spend so much time figuring out how we can fix other people. In America, we frequently see Africa like a child we should be doing everything for. Maybe it's time we recognize we can learn something from them, too. On this journey, I will be striving for a system of co-learning; one that allows us to share with all.

More on the next post. Thanks for listening.

Love and Adoration,

Lorien

Hakuna Matata

I'm in love...his name is Ed.

Ed is the cheetah I had the pleasure of playing with today at the Rhino and Lion Park.  He is twelve years old, has gorgeous golden eyes, and loves to cuddle.  I think it's a perfect match.

I also got to snuggle up to three not-so-little lion cubs who could rival my dog in desires for tummy rubs.  The one who loved having her chin scratched the most had an appropriate name meaning "love".  And at four months old, they probably weighed more than me.

Guys, are you getting the sense that I'm spoiled yet?  Maybe blessed is what we should stick with as I spent the day jumping up and down, gasping, and squealing in awe at the glory of the Rhino and Lion Park in Joburg.  Ahh.

The park was founded in 1985, and has a focus on conservation and breeding.  It is even home to the only two clouded leopards in all of Africa.  The methods have proven quite successful, and the wonderful treatment is evident in the behavior and appearance of the animals.  I have never seen such happy, healthy creatures before.  Nor have I seen any "zoo" animals freely crossing the road in front of me before!  I'll let the pictures speak for themselves.

Seeing a white peacock is said to bring eternal happiness!

You thought I was here for research, didn't you?  Well...I was researching.  Researching my love for animals!  And scheming how to take a few home...

Is it too late to change my major to zoology?

(One more)

I hope these pictures bring you some piece of the joy I experienced today.

Love Forever,

Lorien

From the day we arrive on the planet
And blinking, step into the sun
There's more to be seen than can ever be seen
More to do than can ever be done

There's far too much to take in here
More to find than can ever be found
But the sun rolling high
Through the sapphire sky
Keeps the great and small on the endless round

On the path unwinding
In the Circle of Life